Here are some children's books that will never be published:
- "You Were an Accident"
- "Strangers Have the Best Candy"
- "The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer- Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"
- "When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer They Say God Did It"
- "Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"
- "What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"
- "Why can't Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Socket be friends?"
- "Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"
- "Dad's New Wife Timothy"
- "Pop! Goes The Hamster....And Other Great Microwave Games"
- "The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables"
- "The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy"
- "Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"
- "The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead"
- "How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School"
- "Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear"