The Redneck Oil Change Checklist | 红脖子式换油清单

1. Go to O'Reilly's auto parts and write a check for $50 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner, and a scented tree.
2. Discover the used oil container is full. Dump it in a hole in the backyard instead of recycling it.
3. Open and drink a beer.
4. Jack up the car. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under the kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open and drink another beer.
7. Place the drain pan under the engine.
8. Look for a 9/16 box-end wrench.
9. Give up and use a crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew the drain plug.
11. Drop the drain plug into the pan of hot oil, getting oil on yourself.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while the oil drains.
14. Look for the oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke the oil filter with a screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish the case of beer with him. Decide to finish the oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag the pan full of old oil out from under the car.
19. Throw kitty litter on the oil spilled in step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-Eleven; buy beer.
22. Install the new oil filter, applying a thin coat of clean oil to the gasket first.
23. Dump the first quart of fresh oil into the engine.
24. Remember the drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find the drain plug in the drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace the drain plug before the fresh oil drains onto the floor.
27. Slip with the wrench and bang your knuckles on the frame.
28. Bang your head on the floorboard in reaction.
29. Begin a cussing fit.
30. Throw the wrench.
31. Cuss and complain.
32. Clean up; apply a Band-Aid to your knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in an additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower the car from the jack stands.
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
39. Move the car back to apply more kitty litter to the fresh oil spilled during step 23.
40. Test drive the car.
41. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.
42. Car gets impounded.
43. Make bail; get the car from the impound yard.

Money Spent:
- $50 parts
- $12 beer
- $75 replacement set of jack stands (colors have to match!)
- $1000 bail
- $200 impound and towing fee
- Total: $1337