DOS Beer: Requires your own can opener and careful reading of directions. Originally an 8-oz can, now a 16-oz can divided into eight separate 2-oz compartments. Soon to be discontinued, but loyalists will keep drinking it.
MAC Beer: Initially a 16-oz can, now 32-oz. Considered a "light" beer. All cans look identical and open automatically. Ingredients are not listed; inquiries are met with "you don't need to know." A side note reminds you to drag empties to the trash.
Windows 95 Beer: The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz can resembling MAC Beer's. Requires prior ownership of DOS Beer. Claims to let you drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality, it's slow and limited. Cans may explode upon opening for no reason.
Windows 98 Beer: Similar to Windows 95 Beer, but produces less gas and causes fewer crashes.
Windows 2000 Beer: A new market entry praised in taste tests. The can resembles MAC and OS/2 Beer's, but the taste is like Windows 95/98. Though sold in 32-oz cans, they only contain 16-oz of beer. Adoption likely depends on peer approval. Fine print reveals shared ingredients with DOS and MAC Beer, despite claims of an entirely new brew.
Windows NT Beer: Sold in 32-oz cans, but only by the truckload, prompting buyers to upgrade their fridges. The can looks like Windows 95 Beer's, with a promise to redesign it after Windows 2000 Beer ships successfully. Touted as "industrial strength" and recommended for bars only.
Unix Beer: Available in multiple brands and can sizes (8-oz to 64-oz). Drinkers show fierce brand loyalty, despite claiming all brands taste similar. Pop-tops often break, requiring a personal can opener and either a manual or an experienced Unix Beer drinker for help.
AmigaOS Beer: The original company is defunct; the recipe is now owned by a weird German firm, making it an import. Poor sales were due to the original maker's lack of marketing understanding. Like Unix Beer, its fans are extremely loyal and vocal. Originally a 16-oz can, now also 32-oz. The once flashy can design now looks dated. Critics say it's only good for watching TV.