Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call my dog "Sex".
Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to get his license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like one too." I said, "But this is a dog." He replied, "I don't care what she looks like." I explained, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was 9 years old." He said I must have been quite a kid.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too."
One day, I entered Sex in a contest, but before it began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex entered in the contest. He said I should have sold tickets. "But you don't understand," I said. "I had hoped to have Sex on television." He called me a show-off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to file for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I got married." The judge said, "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, "Me too."
Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for Sex..."
My case comes up on Friday.