My Dear Wife,
The FIFA World Cup is approaching. To ensure harmony during June and July, please adhere to the following rules:
- I have exclusive control of the TV remote for the entire month.
- Do not walk in front of the TV during matches. Please pause or, if necessary, crawl.
- You must support the same team I do.
- No talking during games. Wait for halftime or the final whistle.
- Match replays and highlights are as important as live games. I will watch them all.
- We may watch movies or home videos only if the actors wear soccer jerseys and the setting is Brazil.
- Advise your friends to avoid scheduling births or weddings during the World Cup, as we will be unavailable.
- Refrain from asking questions like "Is that Chelsea versus China?" (Chelsea is an English club; China did not qualify).
- Do not make faces at my friends when they come over to watch.
- Please smile at all times, except when my team is losing. Understood?
- Ensure the baby does not cry during matches. Breastfeeding is recommended to soothe them.