A man returns home drunk from a bar after watching a night of football. His wife is asleep, so he tries to sneak into bed. After lying down for a few minutes, he lets out an enormous fart.
His wife wakes with a start and asks, "What in the world was that?"
With football still on his mind, he replies, "Touchdown! I'm winning 7 to nothing."
She thinks, "I'll fix him," and lets one rip herself.
"What was that?" he yells.
"Touchdown," she replies. "Tie score."
Still fiercely competitive, he thinks, "Alright, I'll fix her good." He lies there for ten minutes, straining to produce another. In his effort, he accidentally defecates in the bed.
His wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
To which he replies, "Halftime. Switch sides."