Maria, a traditional Italian newlywed, was still a virgin and inexperienced with men. On her wedding night at her mother's house, she felt nervous.
"Don't worry, Maria," her mother reassured her. "Tony is a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care of you."
Maria went upstairs. Tony removed his shirt, revealing a hairy chest. Startled, Maria ran back downstairs.
"Mama, Mama! Tony has a big, hairy chest!"
"Don't worry, Maria," her mother said. "All good men have hairy chests. Go back upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
Maria went up again. Tony then took off his pants, exposing his hairy legs. Maria hurried downstairs once more.
"Mama, Mama! Tony took off his pants, and he has hairy legs!"
"Don't worry, Maria. All good men have hairy legs. Tony is a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take good care of you."
Maria went upstairs for the third time. Tony removed his socks, revealing that he was missing most of three toes on his left foot. Seeing this, Maria rushed downstairs again.
"Mama, Mama! Tony has a foot and a half!"
"Stay here and stir the pasta," said her mother. "This is a job for Mama!"