English Original
Marjorie Baer used to joke about her retirement plans. She wasn't married and had no kids, but she didn't intend to be alone—she and all her single friends would move into a fictional home she called Casa de Biddies. Instead, Baer developed terminal brain cancer when she was 52. But just as she'd hoped, her friends and family provided her with love and care to the end.
Baer's friends Lee Ballance and Mary Selkirk were walking their dog one afternoon in July 2006 when they saw an ambulance in front of her house. Baer had had a seizure and collapsed. Ballance, a physician, followed the ambulance to the hospital. The diagnosis was grim: glioblastoma multiforme, a particularly aggressive brain cancer.
Ballance was the first of Baer's friends to become an unofficial caregiver. Until her brother Phil arrived for her final weeks, they created a system to watch over her while respecting her cherished privacy and independence.
Baer's close friend Ruth Henrich took the lead. They worked in publishing and lived in the same duplex. Despite her busy job, Henrich took Baer to appointments and helped her with daily tasks. After an email request, volunteers signed up to drive Baer to radiation therapy. Others offered specific skills: a nurse friend navigated Social Security, an attorney helped with her will, and an accountant friend managed her bills. "There was this odd sense that the right person always showed up," said Ballance.
It wasn't easy. "It was always on my mind," Henrich said. Yet, their improvised arrangement worked remarkably well. Even as Baer lost abilities over the year, she continued to live independently, walk to the market, take painting classes, and even fly alone to visit family.
"She was a generous person," said friend Elizabeth Whipple, "and it came back to her in truckloads."
Unmarried women are a fast-growing demographic in America, and more men are remaining single. Experts are concerned about caregiving for these groups as they age. Baer's experience suggests the Internet will play a role. Services like Lotsa Helping Hands allow the creation of "care pages" where tasks can be posted and volunteers can sign up, connecting communities whose common link is the person needing help.
Eventually, informal help wasn't enough. A year after diagnosis, Henrich found Baer on the floor one morning, despite her wearing a panic button.
That's when Baer's brother Phil stepped in. He took leave from his job and family in Los Angeles to care for her full-time. "There was just no question... It made me realize how much I loved her," he said.
For weeks, Phil cared for her by day, overseeing night caregivers and consulting hospice workers. Even then, Baer's friends remained irreplaceable, providing practical and emotional support.
Several friends were present when Baer died. "We were all trying to help ease her passing," Whipple said.
Catherine Fox, another friend present, was deeply affected. "It was so comforting to know that if you're willing to ask for help, the generosity of family and friends can be phenomenal. It makes me feel secure and hopeful."
中文翻译
玛乔丽·贝尔曾常拿她的退休计划开玩笑。她未婚未育，但并不打算孤独终老——她和所有的单身朋友会搬进一个她虚构的、名为“闺蜜之家”的住所。然而，贝尔在52岁时患上了晚期脑癌。但正如她所希望的那样，她的朋友和家人自始至终给予了她爱与关怀。
2006年7月的一个下午，贝尔的朋友李·巴兰斯和玛丽·塞尔柯克在遛狗时，看到一辆救护车停在她家门前。贝尔癫痫发作后昏倒了。身为医生的巴兰斯跟随救护车去了医院。诊断结果很残酷：多形性胶质母细胞瘤，一种极具侵袭性的脑癌。
巴兰斯是贝尔朋友中第一位非正式的看护者。在她的兄弟菲尔在她最后几周赶来之前，他们建立了一个照看体系，同时尊重她所珍视的隐私和独立。
贝尔的密友露丝·亨里希牵头。她们同在出版业工作，住在同一栋复式公寓里。尽管工作繁忙，亨里希仍带贝尔去看医生，并帮助她处理日常事务。在一封电子邮件请求发出后，志愿者们报名接送贝尔接受放射治疗。其他人则提供了特定的技能：一位护士朋友帮她处理社保和残疾保险，一位律师朋友协助她立遗嘱，一位会计师朋友接管了她的账单。巴兰斯说：“有种奇怪的感觉，对的人总会出现。”
这并不容易。“这件事一直萦绕在我心头，”亨里希说。然而，他们临时凑成的安排效果出奇地好。即使贝尔在这一年中逐渐丧失了读写和交谈的能力，她仍能继续独立生活，步行去市场，乘地铁上绘画课，甚至独自飞往爱荷华州探望家人。
朋友伊丽莎白·惠普尔说：“她是个慷慨的人，而这份慷慨以成倍的方式回报给了她。”
未婚女性是美国增长最快的人口群体之一，保持单身的男性也越来越多。专家们担忧这两类人群年老后的照护问题。贝尔的经历表明，互联网将发挥作用。像“许多援助之手”这样的服务允许创建“关怀页面”，可以发布任务清单，志愿者可以报名参加，将那些唯一共同点就是需要帮助者的社区连接起来。
最终，非正式的帮助不够了。确诊一年后的一天早上，亨里希发现贝尔倒在地板上，尽管她脖子上戴着紧急呼叫按钮。
这时，贝尔的兄弟菲尔介入了。他辞去了在洛杉矶的工作，暂时离开家人，全职照顾姐姐。他说：“我毫无疑问会尽我所能……这让我意识到我有多爱她。”
在接下来的几周里，菲尔白天照顾她，监督夜班看护，并咨询临终关怀工作人员。即便如此，贝尔的朋友们仍然是不可替代的，提供了实际和情感上的支持。
贝尔去世时，几位朋友在场。惠普尔说：“我们都试图帮助她安详离去。”
另一位在场的朋友凯瑟琳·福克斯深受触动。“知道只要你愿意寻求帮助，家人和朋友的慷慨可以是惊人的，这令人非常安慰。这让我感到安全和充满希望。”