English Original
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The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
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How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.
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How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories.
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How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford?
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.
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If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you (A) Go to lunch, or (B) read the newspaper?
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What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad? 'Senator.'
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? 'Your Honor.'
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.
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What does a lawyer use for birth control? His personality.
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What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Don't know. (There are some things a pig just won't do.)
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture? Removable wing tips.
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Why does California have the most lawyers in the country, while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got first choice.
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What do you get if you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton.
中文翻译
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邮局刚刚召回了他们最新发行的邮票。因为邮票上印着律师的头像，人们不知道该往哪一面吐口水。
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一个孕妇如何知道自己怀的是未来的律师？她会无法控制地渴望吃到大话连篇的胡扯（双关：baloney既指一种香肠，也指胡扯）。
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律师是怎么睡觉的？他先朝一边撒谎（双关：lie既指躺下，也指撒谎），然后再朝另一边撒谎。
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世界上有多少个律师笑话？只有三个。剩下的都是真事。
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换一个灯泡需要多少位律师？你请得起多少位？
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拧紧一个灯泡需要多少位律师？三位。一位爬梯子，一位摇晃梯子，还有一位起诉梯子公司。
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如果一个律师和一个国税局特工同时溺水，而你只能救一个，你会（A）去吃午饭，还是（B）看报纸？
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律师给他的女儿起名叫什么？苏（Sue，与“起诉”同词）。
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你怎么称呼25个跳伞的律师？飞靶（Skeet，一种射击运动中的碟靶，暗示他们像靶子一样）。
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你怎么称呼一个变坏的律师？“参议员”。
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你怎么称呼一个智商只有50的律师？“法官大人”。
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你会朝一个溺水的律师扔什么？他的合伙人。
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律师用什么来避孕？他的人格魅力（讽刺其不受欢迎）。
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把一头猪和一个律师杂交会得到什么？不知道。（有些事情猪是绝对不会做的。）
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律师和秃鹫有什么区别？律师能积累航空里程。
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律师和秃鹫还有什么区别？律师的翼尖（指皮鞋）可以拆卸。
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为什么加州有全国最多的律师，而新泽西州有最多的有毒废物场？因为新泽西州有优先选择权。
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如果你把一个奸诈的律师和一个腐败的政客杂交，会得到什么？切尔西·克林顿。