English Original
When I was eight, I saw a movie about a mysterious island with an erupting volcano, ruled by a beautiful woman called "Tandaleah, the Fire Goddess of the Volcano." It was a terrible movie, but to me, it represented the perfect life. I desperately wanted to be the Fire Goddess and even asked if it was spelled with two Ds.
Over the years, the school system molded me into a responsible citizen, and Tandaleah was forgotten. I had a suitable marriage, became a mother of four, and lived a bland, predictable life. My life was as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.
The week I turned fifty, my marriage ended suddenly. I lost my husband, home, and parents' approval, leaving me with only my four teenage children and overwhelming debt. I faced a choice: rent a cheap apartment and look for a job, or use all my money to buy five plane tickets to the Big Island of Hawaii. Everyone said I was crazy and predicted I'd fail.
The next day, we landed in Hawaii with less than two thousand dollars. We slept on the floor of an unfurnished apartment and lived on cereal. I worked three jobs—scrubbing floors, selling nuts to tourists, gathering coconuts—for eighteen hours a day. I lost thirty pounds and suffered panic attacks, shaking on the bathroom floor.
One night, walking on the beach, I saw the glow of lava from the Kilauea volcano. I realized I was wasting that incredible moment, haunted by the past, exhausted by the present, and terrified of the future. I had almost achieved my childhood dream but was too focused on my burdens to see my blessings. It was time to live my imagination, not my history.
Tandaleah had finally arrived! The next day, I quit my jobs and invested my last paycheck in art supplies. I hadn't painted in fifteen years. My hands trembled at first, but soon I was lost in the colors on the canvas. I painted old sailing ships, and as I started believing in myself, others did too. My first painting sold for fifteen hundred dollars before I could even frame it.
The past six years have been filled with adventures: swimming with dolphins, watching whales, hiking around the volcano's crater. We wake up every morning with the ocean in front of us and the volcano behind us. The dream I had over forty years ago is now my reality.
Well-meaning friends try to set me up on dates, using phrases like "a woman of your age." I gently point out that I've paid my dues. I was a good wife and mother for over twenty-five years. Now, I have grown into the woman I wished I could have been in my twenties. I'm not getting any younger, but I wouldn't want to be young again. I'm happier than ever. I can paint all night, sleep all day, eat what I want, and answer to no one.
It took a long time to find myself, and I had to live alone to do it. But I am not lonely. I am free for the first time in my life. I am Tandaleah, the Fire Goddess of the Volcano, spelled with two Ds, and I'm living happily ever after.
中文翻译
八岁那年，我看了一部关于神秘岛屿的电影。岛上有喷发的火山，由一位名叫“坦达莉娅，火山女神”的美丽女子统治。电影很糟糕，但对我而言，它代表了完美的人生。我极度渴望成为火山女神，甚至问别人这个词是不是用两个D拼写。
多年来，教育体系将我塑造成一个负责任的公民，坦达莉娅被遗忘了。我拥有了一段合适的婚姻，成为四个孩子的母亲，过着平淡、可预见的生活。我的日子像一碗燕麦粥一样乏味。
五十岁生日那周，我的婚姻突然终结。我失去了丈夫、家园和父母的理解，只剩下四个十几岁的孩子和巨额债务。我面临选择：租个便宜公寓找工作，或者用所有钱买五张从密苏里到世界最偏远岛屿——夏威夷大岛的机票。所有人都说我疯了，预言我会失败。
第二天，我们带着不到两千美元降落在夏威夷。我们睡在空公寓的地板上，靠麦片度日。我打三份工——跪着擦地板、向游客卖坚果、捡椰子——每天工作十八小时。我瘦了三十磅，饱受惊恐发作的折磨，在浴室地板上颤抖得像一个受炮火惊吓的士兵。
一天晚上，我在海滩散步，看到了基拉韦厄火山喷发出的熔岩光芒。我意识到我正在浪费这个不可思议的时刻，被过去困扰，被现在耗尽，对未来恐惧。我几乎实现了童年梦想，却因只关注负担而忽略了祝福。是时候活在我的想象中，而不是我的历史里了。
坦达莉娅终于到来了！第二天，我辞去工作，用最后的薪水买了美术用品。我已经十五年没画过画了。起初我的手在颤抖，但很快我就沉浸在画布上的色彩中。我画古老的帆船，当我开始相信自己时，别人也开始相信我。我的第一幅画还没来得及装框，就以一千五百美元售出。
过去的六年充满了冒险：与海豚共泳，观鲸，徒步火山口边缘。我们每天早晨醒来，面前是大海，身后是火山。四十多年前的梦想如今已成现实。
好心的朋友们无数次想给我介绍对象，用“你这个年纪的女人……”这样的话来推动我相亲。我温和地指出，我这个年纪的女人已经尽过责任了。我当了二十多年的好妻子和好母亲。如今，我活成了自己二十多岁时希望成为的样子。是的，我不再年轻，但说实话，我也不想再年轻一次。我比以往任何时候都快乐。我可以整夜画画，整天睡觉，想吃什么就吃什么，无需向任何人交代。
找到自我花了很长时间，我必须独自生活才能做到。但我并不孤独。这是我生命中第一次感到自由。我是坦达莉娅，火山女神，双D拼写，从此过上了幸福的生活。