English Original
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to a radio station sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.
Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened, I must first bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a wet suit.
This time of year the water is quite cool. To keep warm, we use a diesel-powered industrial water heater. It sucks water from the sea, heats it, and pumps it down to the diver through a hose taped to the air hose.
When I get to the bottom, I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my suit with warm water. It's fantastic, like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until my butt started to itch. So, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within seconds, I felt a burning sensation. I pulled the hose out, but the damage was done.
In agony, I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Since I don't have hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick there. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.
When I scratched, I was actually grinding the jellyfish and its poisonous, stinging tentacles into the crack of my bottom.
I immediately informed the dive supervisor. His instructions were unclear because he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say, I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before reaching the surface. When I arrived, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.
As I climbed out, the medic, with tears of laughter, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt. The cream helped, but I couldn't poop for two days because my bottom was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your bottom.
Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."
Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?
May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day.
中文翻译
罗布是路易斯安那州全球潜水公司的一名商业饱和潜水员。他的工作是在海上钻井平台进行水下维修。
以下是他发给姐姐的一封电子邮件。她随后将这封信寄给了一家正在举办“最糟糕工作经历”比赛的广播电台。不用说，她赢了。
苏，你好：
来自你那位海底居住兄弟的又一封信。
上周我在办公室度过了糟糕的一天。我知道你最近工作不顺心，所以我想和你分享我的困境，让你意识到你的情况毕竟没那么糟。
在我告诉你发生了什么之前，我必须先让你了解一下我工作中一些无聊的技术细节。如你所知，我的办公室在海底。我穿着潜水服上班。
每年这个时候海水都很凉。为了保暖，我们使用一台柴油驱动的工业热水器。它从海里抽水，加热，然后通过一根贴在通气管上的软管将热水泵给潜水员。
当我到达海底开始工作时，我会把软管塞进潜水服的背部。这样温暖的洪水就会充满我的整个潜水服。感觉棒极了……就像在按摩浴缸里工作一样。
一切都很顺利，直到我的屁股突然开始发痒。当然，我就挠了挠。这当然只会让情况变得更糟。几秒钟内，我的屁股开始有灼烧感。我把软管从背上拉出来，心想也许是水太热了，但伤害已经造成了。
在痛苦中，我意识到发生了什么。
热水器吸进了一只水母，并把它直接泵进了我的潜水服。由于我背上没有毛发，水母无法粘在上面。然而，我的臀缝就没那么幸运了。
当我挠我以为的痒处时，我实际上是把那只水母及其所有有毒、带刺的触手都碾进了我的臀缝里。
我立即通过对讲机向潜水主管报告了我的困境。他的指示含糊不清，因为他和其他五名潜水员都在歇斯底里地大笑。
不用说，我中止了潜水。我被指示在水下进行三次总共三十五分钟的痛苦减压停留，然后才能浮出水面，进入减压舱进行干式减压。当我到达水面时，我只戴着一个黄铜头盔。
当我爬出水面时，笑得眼泪直流的医护人员递给我一管药膏，告诉我一进减压舱就涂在屁股上。药膏缓解了灼痛，但我两天没法大便，因为我的屁股肿得合拢了。
所以，下次你在工作中遇到糟糕的一天时，想想如果有一只水母塞进你的屁股，情况会有多糟。
现在对自己重复：“我爱我的工作，我爱我的工作，我爱我的工作。”
现在每当你遇到糟糕的一天时，问问自己，这是“水母级”的糟糕一天吗？
愿你永远不会有“水母级”的糟糕一天。