English Original
The Job Security Quiz
This quiz will help you gauge your job security and predict your career trajectory.
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Your boss catches you playing DOOM at your desk. You...
- A. Promise to delete the game forever, but first offer to make a copy for his kid.
- B. Claim you're embedding a virus to report anyone who plays it on company time to HR.
- C. Tell him his request will have to wait until you finish the level.
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A cushy mailroom job opens up, paying double your salary. You...
- A. Meekly suggest a transfer might boost your colleagues' morale.
- B. Politely ask for the transfer and offer to split the raise 50/50 with your boss.
- C. Barge into your boss's office, demanding reassignment to avoid working for a "laughingstock who should have retired."
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Your boss throws a party and invites everyone but you. You...
- A. Stay home and watch reruns of I Love Lucy.
- B. Show up anyway with expensive wine and a briefcase of unmarked bills.
- C. Go to his house after the party and throw rocks at the windows while shouting obscenities.
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Your boss unfairly criticizes your work. You...
- A. Listen politely and apologize.
- B. Blame a coworker.
- C. Stand on your desk holding a sign that says "union."
-
The CEO parks in your spot. You...
- A. Wash and wax the car, then leave your business card under the wiper.
- B. Key the car, then tell the CEO's secretary you saw your boss lurking nearby.
- C. Key the car, then proudly tell the CEO's secretary you did it.
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Your boss asks you to play "Kooky the Clown" at his kid's birthday. You...
- A. Offer to pay for the costume rental and cake as well.
- B. Agree, then blackmail a coworker into doing it while impersonating you.
- C. Agree, then show up as yourself and tell the kids Kooky is dead.
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Your boss accuses you of not keeping the office clean. You...
- A. Clean it while he watches.
- B. Say you delegated the task, then fire the subordinate you supposedly assigned it to.
- C. "Clean" the office again, but this time, use your boss's face.
Scoring
- Mostly A's: You're a doormat. They'll never fire you.
- Mostly B's: You'll climb the corporate ladder fast due to your utter disregard for others. Congratulations, you're a real jerk.
- Mostly C's: You're a career kamikaze. Your boss is too scared of what you might do to fire you.
中文翻译
职场生存测试
本测试将帮助你评估你的工作稳定性并预测你的职业轨迹。
-
你的老板发现你在工位上玩《毁灭战士》。你...
- A. 发誓永远删除游戏，但先主动提出给他孩子拷一份。
- B. 声称你正在植入病毒，以便向人力资源部举报任何上班时间玩它的人。
- C. 告诉他，他的要求必须等你打完这一关再说。
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邮件部有个轻松职位空缺，薪水是你现在的两倍。你...
- A. 怯懦地建议，把你调走可能会提升同事们的士气。
- B. 礼貌地请求调职，并主动提出与老板五五分成加薪部分。
- C. 闯进老板办公室，要求调职，这样你就"不用在一个早该退休、已成笑柄的人手下工作了"。
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你的老板举办派对，邀请了所有人除了你。你...
- A. 待在家里看《我爱露西》的重播。
- B. 无论如何还是带着昂贵的红酒和一公文包无标记小额钞票出现了。
- C. 派对结束后去他家，朝窗户扔石头并大声辱骂。
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你的老板不公正地批评你的工作。你...
- A. 礼貌地听着，然后道歉。
- B. 责怪同事。
- C. 爬上你的办公桌，举起一张写着"工会"的纸。
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首席执行官把车停在了你的车位上。你...
- A. 把车清洗打蜡，然后把名片留在雨刷下。
- B. 划伤车，然后告诉首席执行官的秘书你看到你的老板在附近可疑地徘徊。
- C. 划伤车，然后自豪地告诉首席执行官的秘书是你干的。
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你的老板请你在孩子五岁生日派对上扮演"古怪小丑"。你...
- A. 主动提出连服装租赁和蛋糕的费用也一起付了。
- B. 同意，然后勒索一位同事冒充你去表演。
- C. 同意，然后以真身出现并告诉孩子们古怪小丑死了。
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你的老板指责你没有保持办公室清洁。你...
- A. 在他监督下打扫。
- B. 说你已经委派了这项工作，然后开除你所谓指派去做的那名下属。
- C. 再次"打扫"办公室，但这次，用的是你老板的脸。
计分结果
- 多为A选项： 你是个受气包。他们永远不会解雇你。
- 多为B选项： 由于你完全不顾及他人感受，你将在职场上平步青云。恭喜，你真是个混蛋。
- 多为C选项： 你是个职场神风特攻队。你的老板因为害怕你会做出什么事，而迟迟不敢解雇你。