English Original
DOS Beer: Requires your own can opener and careful reading of directions. Originally an 8-oz can, now a 16-oz can divided into eight separate 2-oz compartments. Soon to be discontinued, but loyalists will keep drinking it.
MAC Beer: Initially a 16-oz can, now 32-oz. Considered a "light" beer. All cans look identical and open automatically. Ingredients are not listed; inquiries are met with "you don't need to know." A side note reminds you to drag empties to the trash.
Windows 95 Beer: The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz can resembling MAC Beer's. Requires prior ownership of DOS Beer. Claims to let you drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality, it's slow and limited. Cans may explode upon opening for no reason.
Windows 98 Beer: Similar to Windows 95 Beer, but produces less gas and causes fewer crashes.
Windows 2000 Beer: A new market entry praised in taste tests. The can resembles MAC and OS/2 Beer's, but the taste is like Windows 95/98. Though sold in 32-oz cans, they only contain 16-oz of beer. Adoption likely depends on peer approval. Fine print reveals shared ingredients with DOS and MAC Beer, despite claims of an entirely new brew.
Windows NT Beer: Sold in 32-oz cans, but only by the truckload, prompting buyers to upgrade their fridges. The can looks like Windows 95 Beer's, with a promise to redesign it after Windows 2000 Beer ships successfully. Touted as "industrial strength" and recommended for bars only.
Unix Beer: Available in multiple brands and can sizes (8-oz to 64-oz). Drinkers show fierce brand loyalty, despite claiming all brands taste similar. Pop-tops often break, requiring a personal can opener and either a manual or an experienced Unix Beer drinker for help.
AmigaOS Beer: The original company is defunct; the recipe is now owned by a weird German firm, making it an import. Poor sales were due to the original maker's lack of marketing understanding. Like Unix Beer, its fans are extremely loyal and vocal. Originally a 16-oz can, now also 32-oz. The once flashy can design now looks dated. Critics say it's only good for watching TV.
中文翻译
DOS 啤酒： 需要自备开罐器并仔细阅读说明。最初是8盎司罐装，现在是16盎司罐装，但被分成八个独立的2盎司隔间。即将停产，但忠实用户会继续饮用。
MAC 啤酒： 最初是16盎司罐装，现在是32盎司。被认为是“淡”啤酒。所有罐子看起来一模一样且自动打开。成分未列出；询问时会被告知“你不需要知道”。罐身提示提醒你将空罐拖到垃圾桶。
Windows 95 啤酒： 全球最受欢迎。采用16盎司罐装，外观类似MAC啤酒。要求用户已拥有DOS啤酒。声称能让你同时喝多罐DOS啤酒，但实际上速度慢且有限。罐子有时会无故在打开时爆炸。
Windows 98 啤酒： 与Windows 95啤酒相似，但产气更少，导致崩溃也更少。
Windows 2000 啤酒： 新品上市，品尝测试广受好评。罐子类似MAC和OS/2啤酒，但味道像Windows 95/98。虽然以32盎司罐出售，但里面只有16盎司啤酒。普及可能依赖于同伴认可。小字显示其成分与DOS和MAC啤酒有重叠，尽管制造商声称这是全新的酿造。
Windows NT 啤酒： 以32盎司罐装销售，但只能整车购买，促使买家升级冰箱。罐子外观像Windows 95啤酒，公司承诺在Windows 2000啤酒成功上市后改版。被吹捧为“工业强度”啤酒，建议仅在酒吧使用。
Unix 啤酒： 有多个品牌，罐装规格从8盎司到64盎司不等。饮用者表现出强烈的品牌忠诚度，尽管他们声称所有品牌味道几乎相同。拉环经常断裂，需要自备开罐器，并且要么需要完整的说明书，要么需要一位有多年饮用Unix啤酒经验的朋友帮忙。
AmigaOS 啤酒： 原公司已倒闭；配方现由一家古怪的德国公司接手，因此成为进口啤酒。销量不佳源于原制造商不懂营销。和Unix啤酒一样，其粉丝极其忠诚且声音响亮。最初是16盎司罐装，现在也有32盎司。曾经花哨的罐装设计如今显得过时。批评者称它只适合看电视时饮用。