English Original
Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call my dog "Sex".
Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to get his license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like one too." I said, "But this is a dog." He replied, "I don't care what she looks like." I explained, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was 9 years old." He said I must have been quite a kid.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too."
One day, I entered Sex in a contest, but before it began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex entered in the contest. He said I should have sold tickets. "But you don't understand," I said. "I had hoped to have Sex on television." He called me a show-off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to file for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I got married." The judge said, "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, "Me too."
Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for Sex..."
My case comes up on Friday.
中文翻译
每个养狗的人都叫它“来福”或“小子”。我叫我的狗“性”。
“性”一直让我非常尴尬。我去给它办执照时，告诉办事员我想给“性”办个执照。他说：“我也想要一个。”我说：“但这是一条狗。”他回答：“我不在乎她长什么样。”我解释道：“你不明白。我从9岁起就有‘性’了。”他说我那会儿肯定是个厉害的小孩。
我结婚去度蜜月时，把狗也带上了。我告诉酒店前台，我想要一间给我和妻子的房间，还要一间特别的房间给“性”。他说这里的每个房间都是用来做爱的。我说：“你不明白。‘性’让我晚上睡不着觉。”前台说：“我也是。”
有一天，我让“性”参加比赛，但比赛开始前，狗跑掉了。另一位参赛者问我为什么只是站着四处张望。我告诉他我本来计划让“性”参加比赛的。他说我本该卖票的。“但你不明白，”我说，“我本来希望‘性’能上电视的。”他骂我爱炫耀。
当我和妻子分居时，我们上法庭争夺狗的监护权。我说：“法官大人，我在结婚前就有‘性’了。”法官说：“我也是。”然后我告诉他，结婚后，“性”离开了我。他说：“我也是。”
昨晚，“性”又跑掉了。我花了几个小时在镇上到处找它。一个警察走过来问：“你凌晨4点在这条小巷里干什么？”我说：“我在找‘性’……”
我的案子周五开庭。