English Original
IN GENERAL
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain you're in the will, it's still tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
DINING OUT
1. When decanting wine, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly to avoid "bruising" the fruit of the vine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A table centerpiece should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table... no matter how good his manners are.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need regular cleaning, this should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of money.
3. Dirt and grease under fingernails is a social no-no, as they detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
DATING (Outside the Family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the fillin' station bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If the latter, it's the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
THEATER ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie ends.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
WEDDINGS
1. Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Unless you are the groom, kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt creates a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
2. At a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Do not give a blow job while traveling in a funeral procession.
中文翻译
总则
1. 永远不要带着啤酒去参加求职面试。
2. 在朝院子里的人开枪之前，务必先确认他们的身份。
3. 带着冷藏箱去教堂被认为很俗气。
4. 如果你需要用吸尘器清理床铺，那就是该换床单的时候了。
5. 即使你确信自己名列遗嘱，开着搬家卡车去殡仪馆仍然被认为很不得体。
外出就餐
1. 醒酒时，确保倾斜纸杯，缓慢倾倒，以免"损伤"葡萄的果实。
2. 如果直接对瓶喝，务必用手指遮住酒标。
家庭待客
1. 餐桌中央的装饰品绝不应是任何由动物标本剥制师制作的东西。
2. 不要让狗在餐桌上吃饭……无论它的举止有多好。
个人卫生
1. 耳朵需要定期清洁，但这应该私下进行，并使用自己的卡车钥匙。
2. 正确使用洗漱用品可以推迟洗澡好几天。不过，如果你独自居住，除臭剂纯粹是浪费钱。
3. 指甲里的污垢和油渍是社交禁忌，因为它们会减损女性珠宝的光彩，并改变她手抓食物的味道。
约会（家庭以外）
1. 一定要主动为约会对象的鱼钩挂饵，尤其是在第一次约会时。
2. 要积极主动。让她知道你的兴趣："自从两年前在加油站厕所墙上读到那些关于你的东西，我就一直想和你约会。"
3. 和她父母确定她应该回家的时间。有的会说晚上10点；有的可能会说"周一"。如果是后者，男人有责任准时送她去上学。
剧院礼仪
1. 哭闹的婴儿应被带到大厅，并在电影结束后立即接回。
2. 避免与屏幕上的角色交谈。测试证明他们听不见你说话。
婚礼
1. 牲畜通常不是好的婚礼礼物选择。
2. 除非你是新郎，否则亲吻新娘超过5秒可能会让你挨枪子儿。
3. 新郎至少应该租一套燕尾服。休闲西装搭配腰带和干净的保龄球衫会显得很俗气。
4. 尽管不舒服，在这个特殊场合还是要对袜子和鞋子说"好"。
驾驶礼仪
1. 为迎面而来的车辆调暗前灯；即使枪已上膛，鹿就在眼前。
2. 接近四向停车路口时，轮胎最大的车辆永远拥有路权。
3. 切勿使用连裤袜和管道胶带拖拽另一辆车。
4. 当你让妻子提着汽油罐沿路走去时，要求她带啤酒回来是不礼貌的。
5. 在葬礼车队中行进时，不要进行口交。