English Original
Romance Mathematics
- Smart man + smart woman = romance
- Smart man + dumb woman = affair
- Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
- Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Office Arithmetic
- Smart boss + smart employee = profit
- Smart boss + dumb employee = production
- Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
- Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
Shopping Math
- A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
- A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
General Equations & Statistics
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
- A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
- A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Happiness
- To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
- To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Longevity
- Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
Propensity to Change
- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
- A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
Discussion Technique
- A woman has the last word in any argument.
- Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
How to Stop People from Bugging You About Getting Married
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
中文翻译
浪漫数学
- 聪明男人 + 聪明女人 = 浪漫
- 聪明男人 + 笨女人 = 风流韵事
- 笨男人 + 聪明女人 = 婚姻
- 笨男人 + 笨女人 = 怀孕
办公室算术
- 聪明老板 + 聪明员工 = 利润
- 聪明老板 + 笨员工 = 生产
- 笨老板 + 聪明员工 = 升职
- 笨老板 + 笨员工 = 加班
购物数学
- 男人会花20美元买一件他需要的、价值10美元的东西。
- 女人会花10美元买一件她不需要的、价值20美元的东西。
通用方程式与统计
- 女人在找到丈夫之前会一直担心未来。
- 男人在找到妻子之前从不担心未来。
- 成功的男人是赚的钱比妻子能花掉的钱还多的男人。
- 成功的女人是能找到这样一个男人的女人。
幸福
- 要和男人幸福相处，你必须多理解他，少爱他一点。
- 要和女人幸福相处，你必须多爱她，完全不要试图理解她。
长寿
- 已婚男人比单身男人活得更长，但已婚男人更愿意去死。
改变的倾向
- 女人嫁给一个男人，期望他会改变，但他没有。
- 男人娶一个女人，期望她不会改变，但她变了。
讨论技巧
- 在任何争论中，女人拥有最后发言权。
- 男人在那之后说的任何话，都是新一轮争论的开始。
如何阻止人们烦你结婚
以前在婚礼上，老阿姨们会走过来，戳着我的肋骨咯咯笑着说：“下一个就是你。” 后来我开始在葬礼上对她们做同样的事，她们就停止了。