The Job Security Quiz
This quiz will help you gauge your job security and predict your career trajectory.
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Your boss catches you playing DOOM at your desk. You...
- A. Promise to delete the game forever, but first offer to make a copy for his kid.
- B. Claim you're embedding a virus to report anyone who plays it on company time to HR.
- C. Tell him his request will have to wait until you finish the level.
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A cushy mailroom job opens up, paying double your salary. You...
- A. Meekly suggest a transfer might boost your colleagues' morale.
- B. Politely ask for the transfer and offer to split the raise 50/50 with your boss.
- C. Barge into your boss's office, demanding reassignment to avoid working for a "laughingstock who should have retired."
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Your boss throws a party and invites everyone but you. You...
- A. Stay home and watch reruns of I Love Lucy.
- B. Show up anyway with expensive wine and a briefcase of unmarked bills.
- C. Go to his house after the party and throw rocks at the windows while shouting obscenities.
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Your boss unfairly criticizes your work. You...
- A. Listen politely and apologize.
- B. Blame a coworker.
- C. Stand on your desk holding a sign that says "union."
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The CEO parks in your spot. You...
- A. Wash and wax the car, then leave your business card under the wiper.
- B. Key the car, then tell the CEO's secretary you saw your boss lurking nearby.
- C. Key the car, then proudly tell the CEO's secretary you did it.
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Your boss asks you to play "Kooky the Clown" at his kid's birthday. You...
- A. Offer to pay for the costume rental and cake as well.
- B. Agree, then blackmail a coworker into doing it while impersonating you.
- C. Agree, then show up as yourself and tell the kids Kooky is dead.
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Your boss accuses you of not keeping the office clean. You...
- A. Clean it while he watches.
- B. Say you delegated the task, then fire the subordinate you supposedly assigned it to.
- C. "Clean" the office again, but this time, use your boss's face.
Scoring
- Mostly A's: You're a doormat. They'll never fire you.
- Mostly B's: You'll climb the corporate ladder fast due to your utter disregard for others. Congratulations, you're a real jerk.
- Mostly C's: You're a career kamikaze. Your boss is too scared of what you might do to fire you.