Uncle Sam and Osama decided to settle their war with a dogfight. Each had five years to breed the best fighting dog; the winner would dominate the world.
Osama bred the fiercest Doberman females with the meanest wolves, selecting only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter. After five years, he created the biggest, meanest dog ever.
On the day of the fight, Uncle Sam arrived with a strange-looking animal: a nine-foot-long Dachshund. When the cages opened, the Dachshund slowly waddled toward Osama's dog.
Osama's dog snarled, leaped from its cage, and charged—but as it got close, the Dachshund opened its mouth and ate Osama's dog whole!
"We don't understand!" Osama exclaimed. "Our best people worked for five years with the meanest dogs and wolves!"
Uncle Sam replied, "That's nothing. Our best plastic surgeons worked for five years to make that alligator look like a weenie dog."