To Love and To Express | 爱与表达

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It's one thing to love somebody, but it's another thing to tell him you love him.

Two years ago, I had a best friend. We grew very close. I always had a crush on him, but I thought it would be better if we stayed friends. Every touch and every moment spent with him was cherished. Everyone told me it was just a simple crush and I'd get over him quickly. Those were the longest fifteen months of my life.

The first few months were about getting to know each other, and I did develop a little crush, but I never said anything. Then, things started getting more interesting. He began flirting and being more affectionate than usual, so of course, I flirted back. There were times I wanted to tell him I loved him, but something held me back.

Months passed with just flirting. I started feeling emotions I hadn't felt before and began neglecting more important things. All I thought about was him. His friends tried to hook us up, but we never quite got there. Finally, I decided to confess my feelings. His response was what I expected: he had feelings for me too but was scared, so he thought we shouldn't date. I agreed but wasn't happy with his answer. While I felt relieved to get it off my chest, something still felt off.

Three months later, I was often feeling unwell, unable to think clearly, making poor decisions, and my friends were treating me differently. I finally told him how I'd been feeling. He then revealed that over the past two months, he had developed feelings for my best friend and no longer saw me in that way. I was devastated but soon realized he wasn't the only person who would come and go in my life. I also learned that a great friendship is hard to find and should be cherished with all your love.

To this day, Austin and I are still friends. We mess around and flirt sometimes. But now, I'm in love with someone else who loves me back. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if Austin and I had been together, but I'm happier now than I ever was. I know what real love feels like now. But hey, I'm still young.

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